Velvet Lashes: how to feel positive

Sunday, 31 December 2017

New Year New Me?

What a year 2017 has been, I had my last little bundle of joy and have realised that you need to live your life the best you can, being kind and being happy within your skin and not to rely on others to do that for you, you are your own warrior and your own rainbow on the journey we call life. I feel that I need to do a lot of "finding myself" in 2018, and yes I am 32 with three children and a good job but its only until this point that I feel I have lost me and need to find myself and find a path of acceptance, accepting who I am and that I am great just the way I am. I need to learn to not allow people to put me down, to shut those people off and to not allow negative energy consume me.

I have always tried to put others before me, ensuring I am always checking up on how they are and doing things to make them smile, but through hard times you realise that most of those people will not be that kind of person for you. Life is a journey where you are always learning, learning about friendships and how these change and that some may leave and some may grow. I need to learn that its okay to let go of people and not to keep trying to hang on, if they want to be my friend they will be and they will accept me for who I am. I find I go very quiet when things aren't great, I exclude myself from everything and pretend all is fine but in actual fact its awful, those people who notice that and take the time to check how I am, to ensure they are there for me are those I will treasure.

I have found some things I will change, some things that I will start to do to ensure I bring myself to a point where I feel better within myself. I have found some books that I will read and keep to inspire and motivate me, as well as help change my way of thinking. I will make sure I start to think its okay to do that, its okay to have a night with friends, its okay to have a bath instead of clean the kitchen! IT IS OKAY! I always feel guilty and that I shouldn't be doing certain things because I am unable to, I need to start changing that thinking to YES I will do that and that its acceptable to want to see friends or to choose a bath over cleaning.

Here are the books I am going to use to help me on this journey.

Kindness- the little thing that matters the most

Jaime Thurston

mental health, how to be happy, how to feel positive, new year, new year resolution, new years 2018, how to do mindfulness, mindfulness

A book to discover kindness in myself and others

The little book of mindfulness- 10 minutes a day to less stress, more peace

Dr Patrizia Collard

A book to find peace within, filled with yoga and ways to feed the mind

The little book of Hygge

Meik Wiking

hygge, how to live the hygge way, mental health, how to be happy, how to feel positive, new year, new year resolution, new years 2018, how to do mindfulness, mindfulness

How to explore the Danish way of life, by candlelight and changing your way of life.

I can do a full review on each book so you can see which you would like to add to your collection.

I need to mend me and to make sure that I don't allow people to stop that journey, I hope you all have peace and happiness within, if not then join me and lets do this!!

What books would you recommend?

A xx

Positive Thinking.....how to be happy and move on #3

Hi Loveys!

So here is the third instalment to the positive thinking series. How did your hand activity go and have you made your positive box? Be great to know!

quote, life, positive thinking, confidence, self esteem

Todays activity is a focus on your week, sometimes we can forget the things that make us smile and focus on the negative things as they take over how we feel and looking around that can be hard. What I want you to is draw a timetable Monday-Monday, with two sections under each day, one representing morning and one representing the afternoon, then place this on your fridge or by your kettle basically in a place you go to daily so you can see this regularly. So I want you to write a positive on each morning and afternoon section of your week, so looking at the smaller things such as the sun was out which made me smile, I had a lovely cup of tea, I saw a great film, My child gave me a cuddle etc, so looking at the smaller things in life that make us smile on a daily basis.

This task is one that works really well, then at the end of your week you can look at how many positives occurred rather then the focus going on the negative. When you have completed this add it to your positives box.

Now I want you to start a positives jar, you can get any jar you like and think of something you would love to save for, it could be an item of clothing, a chocolate bar, getting your hair done or a beauty item you are lusting over write that on the jar. Now, everytime you get a compliment I want you to say thank you to the person without any hesitation, repeat the compliment in your head and praise yourself by putting £ in your jar, this can be £0.20 to £10 a go however much you want to put it, then at the end of a month see how much you have and spend it on something for you as a well done. Accepting compliments can be so difficult and people react in various ways when complimented, a classic is saying with a nervous laugh "Oh no not at all, I just threw this together" or "You should go to specsavers" instead of these type of reactions smile and say thank you then reward yourself because in the words of Loreal "You are worth it".

A xx

All images were taken from google.com

Positive Thinking.....how to be happy and move on #2

Hi Loveys,

So this is a follow on the first post to help those think positively and to move on the best they can from a negative situation, this can help those with anxiety, low self and confidence.

How did the timeline and letter go? Be great to hear your thoughts and how you felt doing them. This next step is now looking at YOU, how you see yourself, what words spring to mind? I want you to draw around your hand and then think of 5 positives about you, about your personality and you as a person. This can take a little while but don't worry there is no pressure, take your time with this. With each word write it on the end of each finger on your hand.

Next, complete a positive box, this can be a shoebox or a Glossybox! Decorate this box however you like, it could be covered in your favourite photos, you could collage a variety of pictures you like or paint it, this is your box. Within this box I want you to put in all the things that make you happy including the hand activity above. You could put a photo in, a favourite flower, a favourite sweet or chocolate bar, a piece of paper with lyrics to your favourite music etc. This box will be something you use when you are feeling low, when you feel you need a pick me up, when these feelings occur I want you to get this box and spend some time looking through each item and reading the positive words about you.

These two activities are ones that you can do over time, if you want to take a photo of your box and hand activity then put it on Instagram or Twitter it would be great to see them!

Get ready for step 3 coming soon!

A xx

Positive thinking.....how to be happy and move on #1

Hi Loveys,

Here is a series I will start where I want to help readers move forward positively, whether its helping you with depression, low self esteem and confidence or a difficult breakup these tasks can help you move forward with a positive outlook. I do this within my work and have had successful outcomes.

Timeline

This is a the first task to look at, it looks right back in your past from the earliest memory either positive or negative, I want you to sit down and think right back to your childhood. At the top of the sheet of paper right "Born" then a line to the left if the first memory is negative or to the right if the first memory is positive and note briefly what the memories are then continue the line up or down. Continue this right up to now, include all significant things, bullying at school, changes or difficulties at home and relationships. When you have finished you can email them to me and I can give you feedback and advice on what I see, or have a look at it yourself and you will be able to see a pattern, our past moulds us to who we are today, we all have behaviours that stem from somewhere, it could be a difficult home life, a person at school who put us down or an abusive relationship. When we see what could have started these we can look at how to tackle these to move on positively. I am not someone who will cure anything or stop the pain, but I can give you tasks to complete to help you start a journey. Follow this series to help with this, also as I said email me on .

Look at your timeline and see whether there is a pattern, highlight the things that stand out as the most hurtful and things that are the most positive. Choose two negative events or people associated with these. With these two people write each a letter, DO NOT SEND IT TO THEM, write all your feelings that you wish you could express, these could be swear words, one simple sentence or an essay of emotions, let everything out on this task then get rid of it safely, some people rip it up, some people drown the paper in a bath and some burn it (safely). This is about the start of letting go of all the worries and emotions around these people and events.

Let me know how it goes and wait for task two.

A xx